11 Reasons to Never Lose Your Temper with Your Kids Again

  1. You being visibly angry at your kids doesn’t make the situation better—ever. Sure, maybe they begrudgingly complete the task you asked them to do. Maybe they realize that you “mean business.” But at what cost to the relationship? Do we want them to behave because they are afraid (the correct answer is no)? Do we want to train them to misbehave until we get angry?


  1. Some kids see your visible anger as a “win” for them. If they can’t control the situation, at least they controlled you. They dance the “ignore you” dance until you have had enough and then they get the bonus of seeing you lose control of yourself. That’s a lot of power to give a little kid, or even a big kid.

yelling dad 

  1. It models anger as a response to frustration. These observing, maturing little people are constantly learning about their world. Each time you “lose it,” you solidify this option for them when things don’t go their way.


  1. Getting angry can easily become a habit, a go-to pattern for how to react. The more often you do it, the easier it is to do it the next time.


  1. Yelling at your kids causes relational damage. It breaks trust and can cause them to wonder if you really love them. It doesn’t really matter that you DO love them, because their eyes are telling them that they disgust you. When they are secure in your relationship they are much more likely to want to please you in the first place.


  1. Visible anger invites visible anger back from the child. If the reaction is not fear from the child, then it is usually anger from the child. Now the situation has escalated rather than simmering down.


  1. It makes you tired and guilty after you have calmed down. Moms and Dads are tired easily enough without adding this rush of emotions. Guilt is far too easy to come by these days in our social media-driven world that no one needs another reason to feel more guilt.



  1. It’s not a good use of energy. Usually what makes us angry is kids being kids. Spilling milk, pushing a sibling, breaking something, refusing food, throwing toys are all things that these maturing little people do because they are kids and not adults. We don’t lose our temper with the 6th month old who can’t crawl yet because we know that one day he will and getting mad won’t make him learn any faster. Lightbulb moment: Your child WILL stop these childish behaviors some day and your anger won’t make that day come any sooner.


  1. Sure, Jesus overturned tables with righteous anger, but how often is our child’s offense and our reaction to it righteous? None of my mommy-temper tantrums could have been considered righteous.


  1. Anger is often contingent on our mood rather than the child’s offense. How often does illness or sleep deprivation or frustration in other areas impact our anger toward our children? Having our anger vary based on mood rather than the child’s offense can be confusing to the child and actually make behavior worse.


  1. Studies have shown that yelling at teens for a given behavior actually makes that behavior more likely to occur.


ALL parents lose it from time to time. But yelling at our kids and losing our temper makes it much more challenging to parent effectively or to enjoy this parenting journey. It’s a cycle and no one “wins.” Next week I’ll write about alternatives to parental temper tantrums that will be more effective in helping your children mature. For today–BREATH deeply, smile, and zip the lips! Enjoy them…even the tough ones. 

11 Reasons to Never Lose Your Temper with Your Kids Again


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