We have a lot of power to protect our kids from the negatives of middle school. Our power lies in our connection with our kids and our authority in our home. We need to be relationship driven with each child—based on unconditional love and rituals that connect us rather than an obsession with grades or athletics.
Our focus as our kids mature is helping them learn WHO they are….how God created them as an individual….strengths….weaknesses…..identity in Christ…how they can bring God glory through every day living… If we help them understand who they are they will be less likely to be looking for their identity in who others say they are.
Like a sponge saturated with water, it absorbs very little liquid when placed in a bowl full of vinegar. We can fill our kids up at home so that the world/schools can add very little to them.
I have frequently talked to my boys about two paths…one leads to life and one to destruction. Over the years, the kids that I have seen step on to the path that leads to alcohol, drug use etc. begins simply with attention seeking behavior. Then progresses to -lack of respect for adults–language like pissed/crap/sucks then to cursing–sexual talk then to opposite sex infatuation then beer then hard liquor–pot…
Offensive Tactics: Help them understand their relationship in Christ and have a Biblical world view. Teach about the two paths. Teach about real friendships. Teach about “needy” girls and guys who are “players.” Finally keep that parent-child relationship strong. If necessary, remove them from their peers and focus on family for an extended period of time (vacation etc.) to reclaim your status as primary relationship.
Defensive Tactics: Pay attention to friendships. Minimize media involvement. Create and sustain family rituals.
I like the idea that a fire will not just spontaneously start in my backyard. However, if I have placed wood chips, lighter fluid, kindling, and rolled paper in a pile, then I am simply waiting for a spark and the fire will start. The following is a list of things that may not create a problem immediately, but they certainly can, together, set the stage for a problem to occur.
Facebook/Instagram, frequent texting, internet/phones without boundaries, time with a big group of kids with no adult (football games, ice rink, mall) focus on appearance, obsession with grades/athletic performance, teen girl books/teen magazines, Justin Bieber obsessions etc, long periods of screen time, TV/movies with adult themes, empty house, giving up parental authority, fashion obsession, minimal family time, glorifying opposite sex relationships, creating drama rather than learning how to avoid it, getting caught up in trends like sillly bands/web kins etc.
We have power. A friend of mine had a son who was at a sleep over in 6th grade and the other boy’s mom called to ask if he could watch an “R” movie. My friend said, “ “No. “ The other boy’s mom said, ”You know that they are going to watch things like this sooner or later right?” My friend boldly said, “Well, today he’s not.”
I love how one chapter ends in the book From Santa to Sexting:
How can you drive the darkness out of your home? You do this by creating a refuge where you, the parents, are in charge. You monitor you children’s daily lives, their friendships, all that they are exposed to. You love your kids passionately and you demonstrate your love by spening time with them regularly. And you pray. You pray for them and with them before you send them out into the world each morning. You pray during the day when they are absent from you. Why Because powerful, committed prayer banishes the gathering gloom that is on the rise in this country, invading our children’s lives. Nothing sends the darkness packing like the passionate, fervent prayer of a committed parent. (pg 216)
Random Thoughts on the Middle School Years
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