Just for Fun Quotes

One Christmas a few years ago, a friend of mine gave me a “mom” calendar. Each day of the year had a particular story or quote that a mother was supposed to find endearing. I, however, did not. They said things like: July 25th “No test tube or radar screen can adequately describe what is probably the world’s toughest job.” That is not interesting, inspiring, or funny.

So I flipped this calendar over and began collecting my own stories on the back of each date that depicted my life as a mom. Below are the ever growing list of quotes from my kids (and a few friends’ kids) that have marked the highlights and LOWlights of being a mom.

• “ I know something you’ve taught me…” I smiled as I anxiously awaited 8-year-old Matthew’s reply. “…How to be mean to my kids!”
• “Be careful where you bury it. There’s three hamsters over there.” Bryan (age 11) as we walked out to bury Matthew’s goldfish
• “The next time you take a nap, I’m going to wake you up!” Christopher age 6 and very angry at me
• “The only reason you had kids was so you could boss them around!” Matthew age 7
• “Mom, can you check my pants to see if I pooped…’cause you’re smart!” A friend’s 3 year-old
• “Guys, you all need to be wearing something you didn’t sleep in to church…” Me (on many an occasion)
• “Mom, what’s your favorite kind of hand gun?” Christopher age 9
• “Is there anything better than love?” whispered to me by Matthew the night before he started 1st grade.
• “Cameron, have you sniffed my mom?” Mattew age 6 to his little friend. He liked to smell my neck.
• “Do you put butter on the toast before or after you put it in the toaster?” Christopher age 9
• “I’m sick of you guys pretending we’re poor!” Bryan at the beginning of middle school.
• “When I get older I am going to live in my own house and pour my own apple juice.” A friend’s 4-year-old
• “I wish you were fat!…So then I could call you FAT!” Matthew age 6 and angry
• “Do you and Dad still love me? Cause right now, I’m just not feeling it!” Anonymous at age 13
• “Dad just stop. You’re trapped in a metaphor.” Michael, super funny at age 15
• After a peaceful week with having the two younger boys away at summer camp Bryan asked in all seriousness,” If I save up money, can I buy them an extra week at camp next year?”
• “If the Bible were a movie, I think it would be rated “R”. Christopher age 11
• “Hey guys! Hog-tie me and see how much pain I can endure.” 15 year-old friend at a sleepover in our basement
• “I had an awful, terrible nightmare…” Pause as he regains composure..”I had a dream that I was in a race and I got 10th place!” Matthew (my ultra competitive 10 year old.)
• When I asked my 16 year old if he could handle the negative attention from a published editorial we had written he said, “C’mon Mom, I’ve read all the self defense laws for the state of Indiana!” I thought that was him just being funny BUT he has read them all.
• Bryan carrying 68 pound Christopher in his arms up the stairs, “Hey mom, if I promise not to drop him, can I hold Christopher out over the railing?”
• Michael: “Hey, no homework this week…it’s finals week!” (Freshman year)
• “Hey Mom, how would you siege a castle?” Christopher age 7.
• “I know you’re the tooth fairy! Because all my friends get $5 and I only get $1!”
• “Mom, right now I just want to mute you!” Anonymous
• I tried to help Michael shovel mulch and he says, “Mom, please, you doing this would be like Peter doing a miracle and Jesus is RIGHT there!”
• Christopher,” Mom, if you hit a zombie in the head with a shovel, how long would it take to die?”
• Just for Fun Quotes