My TV Tirade: TV is More Than Just a Time-Sucker

I gave a talk this morning at a mom’s group about sibling rivalry, and I realized that EVERY talk I give no matter what parenting topic it is, always includes a few thoughts on the role of television in the home. Even my marriage talk has comments about TV time. In order to empower parents in these different areas, I have to ask them to evaluate the power they give the television in their home.  I would never have called myself a total  “Anti-TV Nazi”, but after today, I think I just might.

Today I heard from a woman who explained that her family did not watch television for the first seven years of her daughter’s life.  Perhaps they had convictions about its use or perhaps they had no access to cable TV.  Whatever the case, this year they introduced Netflix to the family. The woman explained that after only a few months of  viewing, her daughter began to talk differently, act differently, and even wanted to dress differently.  After considering their options, they eliminated Netflix and within weeks, their daughter returned to her old self.

That shocked me.  But it shouldn’t have.  Consider that my husband became completely conversational in Spanish after six months of eating lunch with the Hispanic employees at work. By forcing himself to be totally immerced in another culture, he learned their language.  Studies are clear that children pick up language at a much faster rate than adults. So what does this mean for television viewing? Is there a culture being passed to our kids insidiously through the shows, movies, and commercials they watch?

Before I continue, I want to be clear that social media has played a significant role in causing parents to feel guilty or stressed about almost anything from the chemically-tainted strawberry they might feed their child to the BPA’s in their kid’s sippy cup. I don’t want this article to be guilt/stress inducing.  Heck, I had to kick a kid off watching Netflix on this computer so I could type this!

We parent best when we are confident in our choices for our own families.  Our kids can sense our resolve or our insecurities.  The purpose of this blog is to motivate you to evaluate the role of television at your house.  Are you happy with how it is being used? Should you make any changes? Are their truths you can teach your kids that will help them while they are watching TV? Can you minimize the transfer of culture by teaching your kids to be discerning viewers?

1)  A few statistics: 51% of homes have a television on most of the time.  Approximately 71% of kids 8-18 have a TV in their bedroom.  (Consider the ease of programing on computers or tablets and this per cent is even larger). The average 2-5 year old watches 32 hours of television a week, which is close to a full time job. Kids who have more media involvement (TV, magazines, internet) are more likely to be depressed. I’m not even getting started on the fitness component with prolific TV watchers.

2) Perhaps kids who devour higher quanities of mass media are more depressed beause they spend less time with people.  They isolate themselves from parents who are the ones who can best show them unconditional love.

3) EVERY minute of every day, kids are growing, and learning, and processing how the world works.  It’s the reason they say things like “corn-on-the-rod, ” “my bottom just threw up,” and my all time favorite, “I need more hookers in my closet.” Thus, when young kids watch a video with whiny or bratty characters, they can quickly pick up the tone and the ‘tude. “I’m totally freaking out!” is a popular line from a PBS character in the show Peg and Cat. Certainly not rude, but do we want our own kids totally freaking out?

4) Characters from popular television shows are often mass produced on everything from lunch boxes to diapers.  This easily creates a sense of worship if not an all out obsession for kids at an early age.  This obsession then can easily be transferred to the next “in” thing. Hello Kitty becomes Dora who becomes Hannah Montana…

5) Ask anyone over the age of fifty, and they will tell you tales of playing princess, fireman, or monster.  Now kids play Frozen or Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.  I’m not sure if that is really imagination or simply replaying what they have seen.

6) Many Disney Channel shows feature middle and high school kids but are watched by kindergarten age kids. If children are processing their environemnts so swiftly at these ages, then it is no wonder that kids who watch hours and hours of TV seem older. These teen role models are usually “nice,” but try watching the shows in their entirety.  They usually glamorize boy/girl relationships.  They often feature materialistic and wealthy main characters who are “… freaking out trying to figure out what to wear to the party!” The “cool” kids in our kids’ schools are usually mimicking the “cool” kids on these shows.  So if you want your son or daughter to be popular, they probably do need to watch these shows in order to follow the lunch table conversations.  Popularity has shifted from the outgoing, athletic kids to those kids who are most in the know about what is “cool.” That’s my observation from being in the upper elementary and middle schools for the last 25 years.

7)  Kids in these types of shows usually are annoyed by their siblings, frustrated and embarrassed by their parents, and hate their teachers.  Is this the culture we want our kids living in?

8) Can I just say Sponge Bob and leave it at that? Here are more Disney shows that detract from our kids’ lives with repetitive fighting, bickering, arguing, and complaining from a host of characters, not to mention ridiculous plot lines.

9) Crap, pissed, and suck are still rude words, despite what many kids at the middle schools think.  Somehow these words have become commonplace. Not only are they rude words, they are angry words as well. (And it started with stupid and poopie head and it ends with %@#%).

10) I just wanted ten so let’s briefly gloss over the violence, sexual content and innuendoes, and marketing to kids. These are staples in many shows and videos.

Again, this is not a “feel guilty” piece. You decide what your thoughts are about television and its effect on YOUR kids.  You watch and decide if you feel connected deeply to each of your children.  You decide if you have enough time with them to simply enjoy them. You decide if you feel like you are fighting against a culture that is different than the one you are trying to instill.  You make the decisions for your house–your kids don’t.

No matter how much or how little TV they do watch, teach them to be discerning viewers.  Train them to watch with an eye for what messages the writers and directors might be trying to send into our home. When we watched a scene from Adam Sandler’s movie, Grown-ups, we observed a disturbing scene.  A young twenty-something girl with long legs, short shorts, and a open flowing blouse was lifting up the hood of her car.  The steam from the engine drifted up, music played, and the movie went into slow motion.  Immediately the scene cuts to the faces of two twelve year old little boys, their jaws dropped and eyes wide as they stared at the girl.

The directors wanted to teach my own 12 year-old what a hot girl was and what you should do if you see one.   But they couldn’t, because I countered their message with my own.  HA!

Looking for a few practical tips to minimize the madness?

* For younger kids, show the last twenty minutes of a video rather than the full 90 minutes. Or take three days to show one movie.

*Schedule videos at a specific time during the day rather than random times.  I liked to have it right after clean-up time so that the video could not start until everything was put away.  Or video time during when I made dinner.

*Consider no videos in the car unless the car has driven out of  the state.  We had a three hour rule, where the first three hours were relax time and talk time before the videos could start.  Think about how much time in the car is wasted by watching videos rather than connecting or listening to music or books on tape.

*Show home videos rather than manufactured shows.  Hey, you know the characters and it allows them to remember fun times from the past.

*Videos and Netflix are safer than TV because they end and you can be more aware of the time spent.

*When kids have to wait and be quiet, hold off on giving them a tablet or handing them your smart phone.  Allow them to practice waiting and being quiet.  Sure, no one will be harmed if you hand them the smart phone, but have they learned how to wait quietly with no entertainment?  This is a skill like any other skill.  “I need you to wait for fifteen minutes quietly so I know that you have learned how to be patient, then I’ll give you Mom’s phone as a break.”

The real world is where life happens.  The real world is where they learn from and tell stories from. The real world is where they meet and interact with people and their environment.  If you are struggling with any of your child’s behavior in the real word, perhaps the origin of the problem lies somewhere in the world on the screen.

My TV Tirade: TV is More Than Just a Time-Sucker