Without question, the number one piece of parenting advice I received early on was that my kids were created with unique temperaments. At that time, I had a laid back one year old and a strong willed two year old. Once I realized that the God of the universe actually designed their personalities, I was freed to parent in conjunction with their design rather than seeing their innate traits as a ploy to drive me insane.
The DISC personality model is just one way to look at the traits of your child that are innate. It is part of who they are. Connecting with your child is easier once you understand their core temperament.
The Determined Child: This child is fast-paced and task-oriented. They make quick decisions and seem to always know exactly what they want. They are self- confident, adventure seekers, goal-oriented, and independent. They take charge, give orders, and expect to be followed. They are energetic, intense, and very active. This child loves rules, order, and justice, especially if it works in their favor. This child is often labeled a “strong-willed child.”
The Influencing Child: This child is fast-paced and people-oriented. They have a high energy level and love being around people. They are spontaneous, enjoy a variety of activities, talkative, and thrive on social acceptance. This is the child who will be motivated by sticker charts and similar reward systems. They can be impulsive, emotional, dramatic, and are usually physically affectionate. They don’t like to be alone.
The Soft-Hearted Child: This child is slow-paced and people-oriented. They are a team player who is humble and uncomfortable with public attention. They prefer familiarity, structures, and routine. They do not like surprises or change. They tend to be easy- going, dependable, warm, compassionate, and loyal. They need to feel appreciated. These kids like to be helpful and are very sensitive to the feelings of others. Family turmoil will devastate this child.
The Conscientious Child: This child is slow-paced and task-oriented. They maintain high standards with a demanding inner authority. They are attentive to key details and can become perfectionistic. They are deep thinkers who avoid risks and tend not to do anything without assurance of success. They tend to be reserved around people, analytical, cautious, and serious. Mistakes and criticism are difficult to handle. This child will need to understand that “doing your best” is not necessarily perfect.
Many children may not necessarily fit distinctly into one tidy category. However, become a student of your child and consider how you might nurture them based on their innate temperament. As they get older, teach them about how God made them uniquely.
For example, my first born, “Determined” child, was easily the most difficult UNTIL I realized that he needed control, power, and victory. Therefore we have given him wide boundaries with solid walls. For example, we avoid telling him to do something immediately when we can instead tell him that his room needs to be cleaned by Saturday or that his homework always needs to be completed on time. HE then can manage his environment. If he needs a reminder I will ask, “What is your plan for your room (or homework)?”
NEVER argue with this child. If they can’t get their way, they will often control YOU. If you get upset, they have won. Be sure you can stand firm and not let this child change your mind. If they can’t be in control, they are looking for a strong parent who can lead the family. One day they will certainly lead their own! We have taught him, “God has created you with lots of ideas and opinions about things; one thing you need to remember is that Mom and Dad are in charge now and you need to use this gift for good and not become stubborn or controlling.”
A MUST read is Different Children, Different Needs. I reread it every year as my children grow and develop.
Your Child: Specifically Designed for You
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